I believe we all struggle at some point in our life, perhaps grief from the loss of a loved one, addiction, illness, depression, anxiety, isolation, any of the adversities of life in general.
Many of us hold a painful story, and live our life never feeling good enough. Some of us can make life incredibly hard as we constantly strive for perfection, thinking this will validate our place and worth in life!
Sadly after years of believing internal criticism and thinking I was never good enough, a final emotional spiral was very evident for me after the traumatic birth and illness of my miracle and precious son.
A time in life that I thought would be so perfect – a new life, a new baby, a perfect new everything, sadly became a world of intense worry, sadness, fear, anxiety and trauma. A terrified young woman who had to face and accept that her babies start to life was out of her control, and in the hands of a surgeon, an intensive care unit, and no idea of what the challenges ahead would be.
What I know today is that my sons survival and life was a miracle blessing!
At the time it was hard to see and feel this. In reflection now yes I know I was very blessed that my son survived. Blessed by God and the Universe that I could even conceive and actually bring a new child into the world. We as a family were further blessed by the amazing health professionals that cared for my son around the clock. We were blessed that our baby boy was lucky to survive his own health journey, and overtime has been able to develop like many other children – vibrant, happy and healthy.
Now 8 years on from this life changing moment, I know the darkness I inflicted upon myself was punishment and blame. Sadly Anorexia and a breakdown of a fragile nervous system were the consequences of the punishment.
Despite the past pain, punishment and numbing feelings to cope, I know we are all strong, and that all of our hearts are full of love and compassion. What we all really want and crave is love for our own well being, and hope and health for all others.
So in our journey – if we listen really carefully to the whispers and wisdom deep inside – we can always find a place back to healing and peace.
The below acted as a daily health go-to and check list that really helped through my own journey:
- Making the choice to make the day count, and to do the best I could
- Making the choice to let go of perfection – and to practice self-love and compassion
- Making the choice to help all others where I could – and for those suffering the hope they could also find some peace in life
- Making the choice to face the not so great things and take accountability for mistakes – free of punishment!
- Bringing awareness to the destructive negative thinking patterns and every day replacing with new positive thoughts
- Praying each day for the strength to let go of the past, and to concentrate on every blessing of a new day
- I prayed each day for gratitude – and made note of all the things however small
- I invited laughter, love, happiness, self-development, education back into life – the door was closed to negative defeat, pain and fear
- I changed old destructive eating habits – and implemented new ones to help heal the relationship to food and my body
- I prayed – I made new choices – I healed and changed…..